in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Randomize
