True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I understand Curling. That high.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
