Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
