im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
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