Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
It's no shave November. This is our time.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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