He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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