Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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