you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
You're like the curious george of whores
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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