I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
