True but thats because hes a fetus.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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