in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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