Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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