I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
