Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
