My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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