There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
