good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
