does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
