I just saw a hot homeless man
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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