Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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