I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
