I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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