that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
