he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You were trust falling into bushes
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
