Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
