soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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