dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
