Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
