Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
