I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
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