I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
