In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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