absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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