the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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