Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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