I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
