I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
So apparently I’m into choking now
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