OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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