He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
