She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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