cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
