you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
