BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
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