you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
