come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
