READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
