On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
