I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
