I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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