i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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