TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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