Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Randomize
