Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
