Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
