Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
