i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
