your parents love me but you hate me
So drunk its hurt
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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