I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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