just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
