You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
