kristin has been a bad kristin
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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